Pep Talk From Your Future Self

Faith Miller Managing Partner at Miller Zeiderman LLP, authors the latest article for her blog. Read the full article below.

The divorce process is often described as the beginning of the end. You married your spouse while in love, but over time, the relationship changed and became something less than it once was. In some cases, it’s a source of slow-growing pain and unhappiness, while in others, you’re blindsided by an extra-marital affair or financial infidelity that can leave you unsure which way to turn.

Whatever your situation, the divorce process feels like a long, painful road ahead. But in reality, the most painful part was the time spent in a broken relationship leading up to the decision to dissolve the marriage.

Making the decision to divorce is one of the most difficult a person can make – but it can also be positively life changing.

We conducted an informal survey of divorced folks (not our clients) to find out what they’d say to their earlier married selves. Now that they can report back from the “other side,” what are their discoveries? Perhaps some of these insights can help you. Here’s the question we asked:

Now that you’re divorced, what would you say to your earlier despairing married self?

“You need to get from one side of the mountain to the other. But once you get there, the best version of yourself awaits you.”

*Christopher Murphy, 45


“You’ll get to wake up one morning and realize the sadness you’ve been carrying around for years has been lifted. Everything smells sweeter. You’ll think about what to have for dinner that night, and it’ll hit you that you’ve hardly thought about your marriage that day. If anything, your marriage will feel like any other memory. This all feels like true happiness.”

*Elizabeth Hunter, 50


“You’ll be a much better parent because you’re actually happy. This will matter even more than you think it does.”

*Jennifer McDonough, 40


“Yes, it’s disturbing the happy-ever-after didn’t happen for your marriage. But the relief and joy of being unburdened of someone who couldn’t return love comes so much faster than you would expect.”

*Ashley Cantwell, 35


“You will be so happy when walking on eggshells is not your life anymore.”

*Mark Johnson, 47 


It’s helpful to share stories and seek supportive advice from friends and loved ones who have gone through divorce before you, but the most important guidance is professional legal counsel. Choose your representation wisely, and select a professional New York divorce and family law attorney who will put your personal and financial interests first.

–*Names changed to protect privacy.